10/21/2013

I was reading a book the other day (as always).  In books it's easy to see when someone is being stupid.  We have a broader perspective and more information in most cases.  One of my biggest pet peeves in books is when someone insists on sacrificing themselves for the "good" of others, whether the others want it or not.  The book I was reading had a female lead who had been in an accident years back.  As a result of the accident she was scarred, had frequent pain, and among other life changing affects, would not be able to carry a child.  The book was highly predictable, of course, and she pushed away the guy she fell for, refused to be close to children because she mourned her inability to have her own.  She yanked around her friends and loved ones by playing the martyr and refusing to protect herself and take some of life's joys for her own.
Pretty routine, right?
About 3/4 of the way through the book when I was doing dishes and talking out loud to the girl about how obviously stupid her actions were... and I finally made the connection.

Yeah, I can be really slow sometimes.

So I guess you're stuck with me, cause babe, I need you in my life!  I might actually believe that you love me and don't think less of me because I've developed new physical flaws.  Amazing discovery!  It is likely to take continued work to remember how to remember this epiphany, but it's a bit of a break-through.

10/15/2013

Thank you for driving Kate to meet the bus this morning.  She was so excited about going to the student council meeting today with student councils around the valley!  I can barely lift my legs or shuffle my feet today, so having you here made a big difference to my day.  While running some errands we got Jamba Juice smoothies and Einstein's Bros Bagels, a favorite lunch from enough years ago it was decently affordable.  With the girls all in school it was like going back a dozen years.  We still like to sit back with a smoothie and bagel for lunch.

10/14/2013

Eight years old.  It sounds so grown up!  We're long-since through with potty training and teaching things like how to ride a bike, or tie a shoe.  No pacing the floors in the wee hours of the night (thank goodness!) or checking under the beds for monsters.  We never could have guessed this timing a dozen and more years ago.  It's not the plan we started out with, but it has ended up perfect for our family.  I'm glad we are where we are.  I couldn't imagine a different life now.  I wouldn't trade our family for anything.  No, not even for perfect health and strength.  I just cannot believe that Sabrina is now eight years old!  With Lizzie at 9 and Kate 11, we're officially into the "tween" years.  Hold on tight, Daddy, life is just getting crazier.

10/13/2013

10/12/2013

As a young'n I very rarely went to the movies.  I'm sure it was the same way for you.  I guess our kids won't ever be able to make that claim!  And I kinda love it.  There's something cozy about an evening movie at the theater as a family.  Especially since we got the little carriers so the girls don't spill so easily.

10/11/2013

Thanks for taking Sabrina to work with you today.  The girls may complain sometimes about getting bored there, but I know they have all loved their special day at work with you for your birthday.  I'm a little jealous of the special times they get to spend with you.  I'm not jealous of your time, I'm jealous of their relationship with their Daddy.  What a different world this would be if every child had such love and trust between them and their father.

10/10/2013

10/9/2013

Thanks for spending countless accumulated hours looking at the things that I have created.  Some of them are pathetic, some are less so, but you rarely are too busy to take a moment to see what I've done.  Today it was photos.  I took pictures of baby M, weeded the 162 pictures down to 13, then worked for a few hours until they were just-so.  Thanks for taking the time to see what I'd done!  The process of creating and improving things is good for me, and sharing it with someone -- especially someone who will share honest opinions with me -- makes it more worthwhile.

10/8/2013

Tonight we went to the Provo Temple to see Anne and Gu Bin sealed together with their son.

I'm so grateful we were able to be married together in the temple.  My entire perspective on life is colored by the fact that I know I will be with you and with our girls forever.  If I felt that this life was all there was to my existence it would be extremely difficult to understand why we are faced by such challenges.  This is it, and I got the short straw?  Not cool.
Knowing that this is a learning and preparatory period for a much grander existence, however, makes it more manageable.

Watching little Caleb come in to the sealing room to join his parents was beautiful.  Seeing his face, and that of his parents, when they found each other made me think of the reunion we all can have after this life.  I'm glad it's you I will be with!

10/7/2013

Do you remember why I didn't write yesterday?

I was asleep.

Dead asleep.

I stayed awake for four whole hours -- both two-hour sessions of General Conference.  The rest of the day I crashed and just slept.

Thank you for letting me sleep.  I woke this morning to a scrubbed shower, some clean laundry, and happy children.  Nearly heaven!

10/5/2013

General Conference today, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk about mental illness (much of which is applicable to other chronic illness), reminded me again how blessed I am to have you in my life.  I am so grateful I'm not alone.  I am so grateful that you can see far enough into the future to hope for a brightness and joy in immortal bodies free of temporal frailty.
Besides, as Kate told us tonight (watching Justice League together): even Superman has health issues.  Well, when he has a kryptonite bullet in his chest, at least.  Too bad I'm not a dude from Krypton with fortunate reactions to the yellow sun!  Though, come to think of it, the "dude" part wouldn't work out so well...

10/4/2013

Thank you for rubbing my shoulder this morning.  I wish I could handle having you push on the knots so this nerve could rest, but thanks for taking the time to do what was possible for me.  Those moments you take time for us before going on to work in the morning are special.  I love you.

10/3/2013

The other day a song came on the radio in the van.  You told me it made you think of me (Katy Perry, Roar).  You can't know how it touches my heart to know you think of me when we're apart and to see glimpses of how you view me.
This has to be brief tonight -- you're lying next to me playing a game on your phone.  Even though it's still well short of 10 pm I can barely keep my eyes open!

10/2/2013

Thank you for using me as a sounding board for concerns, questions, frustrations, and excitement in your life.  I know a lot of it (especially details about work projects) flies right over my head, but I like being the one you turn to.  I like having an idea of what is going on during your days.  Because of all my issues it seems that our lives revolve too much around me.  I appreciate feeling like I can play cheerleader for you too.  I also love it when I remember something or I suddenly "get" what you're doing.  The work you do is a help to many people and I like hearing about your daily triumphs and efforts. 

10/1/2013

You know when you're cozy in bed in that perfect position with your pillow in all the right places... and then realize the light is still on?  Or at least in a good enough position where it doesn't feel like knives and fire have engulfed my body...

Thank you for being willing to get out of bed and walk around to my side of the bed where the light switch is to turn off the light so I don't have to reach that extra few inches.  I feel silly when it happens and I try to not ask you to doing things for me just for the sake of saving myself a bit more discomfort, but I am extremely grateful when you are so willing and able to do those sorts of things for me.  

It might be a walk around the bed for you, but it saves me from severe acute pain for a few seconds followed by minutes (or on a really bad day: hours) of fighting to get back to the pain level I'd eased to.
So: thanks, babe!